locating
A great example of humanity’s existential yearn for meaning is receiving a name. Whether that’s pre, during or post birth, most individuals aren’t nameless. After being birthed, people survive on values such as “life is what you make of it”. I’m giving two examples here because I believe that there is a difference in being bestowed meaning versus giving yourself meaning.
“Bipolar disorder created experiences of confusion, contradiction, and self doubt which made it difficult for these participants to establish continuity in their sense of self. Their lives were characterized by disruption and discontinuity and by external definitions of self based on their illness. Developing a more integrated self and identity was deemed possible through self-acceptance and incorporating different aspects of themselves.” (PubMed.gov)
For those of you familiar with bipolar disorder, one of the biggest reasons for these patients suffering with an identity crisis leans towards a lack of ideas and guidance for oneself. Something crucial I learned as a twenty one year old is that no one can give me purpose. People can give labels but no one can identify. Stopping the need for guidance, reliance and romanticization of a supporting figure in my life is truly what made me functional. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met some of the most amazing and wonderful people that’s inspired me a ton in my life. However, there comes an extent to generating your own knowledge.
Take my digital journey for a sample: I recently stopped ordering delivery food. This doesn’t include groceries of course. My reasoning behind this started as a bargain with my mother. She brought up a concern towards the amount of times I’ve used Uber in the past few months. (This wouldn’t of been an issue in the first place if she trusted me enough to let me drive in Southern California but she doesn’t.) My mother had expressed her concern vocally over the phone and told me to postpone any plans of going out besides for school from now moving forward. Since my fashion content was mostly created as “Get Ready With Me”, cancelling all of my plans and events would result in a detrimental downfall towards my media building goals. To make things worse, I’m already an extreme shut in due to both physical and mental conditions. So without the this need to film, I will quite literally never step outside of my gremlin hole.
I recall vaguely now I tuned out everything and picked out one single thing that I needed to sacrifice in order for everything to workout. In doing so, I made a sacrifice to give meaning. I never realized how much fashion and creating these silly videos started to mean to me till that moment: up until I needed to sacrifice something. It’s quite simple: if you ever wanted something to mean more to you, just give up on another.
In my opinion, goal and identity based behavior are two very different things. A good friend of mine had explained this difference to me over dinner: goal based motivation creates changes whereas identity based motivation will not because their behavior is part of how they perceive themselves to be. Planning: a thing that dragged me out of my dissociation. This is the key to being internally purposeful, in my opinion. Tying back to my position on bestowing versus giving meaning: let your identity become lucrative. Planning and the struggle to do so is where I learn what works and what doesn’t. In fact, I stopped letting others plan for me because it just means they are bestowing you an identity instead of yourself. At the end of the day, no one knows you better than yourself. So if meaning is just another way excuse for us to live to see another day, why let someone else decide how you will live.
With all this being said, I’m not saying don’t listen. (I suppose if you are reading this blog page currently you will get my point!) For any financial, social and essentially irreversible current situations in which you must listen to someone else to live your life: just plan small and long term. If you can’t decide what you will eat for lunch because your aren’t living under your own roof yet, decide what you will snack on. If you can’t end a toxic relationship because inseparable ties then make better ones. Plan that hangout where you get all your friends to dress up for a rooftop dinner. Plan that tattoo appointment. Plan that trip and Airbnb weekend trip. Plan what you can until you can plan everything. Plan down to every minuscule detail. That’s pretty much my ramble for the day. As always, have a great day folks.
