the third perspective
Man and kind are two different things. Most of the time people aren’t both things. You can be a man without being kind and you can be kind without being a man. I wouldn’t encourage being kind without being a man though. This is not saying that if you identify as something besides a man it does not apply, I’m just generalizing humanity in a patriarchal society.
I think that kindness comes from giving to others. In many different ways: physical and mental. Since humans are inherently selfish, the act of giving ultimately returns back as a self improving habit. After all, nothing in this world is or should be for free for us. If it was, I think societal collapse would happen quicker than One Piece’s finale episode. Off track. This goes back to my point about separating mankind into two words. A person needs to be a “man” before they are kind. The “man” here is directed to a need for self identity, virtue and decisiveness. These three traits help us become us. My personal stance on this becoming means that we are constantly enhancing. More often that not, becoming better means letting go the old habits. Therefore, once you know what you lack, you can give to improve.
“The return of the voices would end in a migraine that made my whole body throb. I could do nothing except lie in a blacked-out room waiting for the voices to get infected by the pains in my head and clear off. Knowing I was different with my OCD, anorexia and the voices that no one else seemed to hear made me feel isolated, disconnected. I took everything too seriously. I analysed things to death. I turned every word, and the intonation of every word over in my mind trying to decide exactly what it meant, whether there was a subtext or an implied criticism. I tried to recall the expressions on people’s faces, how those expressions changed, what they meant, whether what they said and the look on their faces matched and were therefore genuine or whether it was a sham, the kind word touched by irony or sarcasm, the smile that means pity.” (Alice Jamieson, Today I’m Alice: Nine Personalities, One Tortured Mind)
If you expect a physical item to be returned to you, you have wasted your act of giving. This physical object can come in many ways: object, bond, intimacy and many more. Nothing will ever be better than self improvement. It’s like one of those red or blue pill questions: Would you rather receive a billion dollars or Do you want to become the luckiest person alive? I’d choose the latter. From my childhood till now, the concept of dissociation has plagued me. I dissociated enough that I’ve come to enjoy plane rides since that would be the only time I can dissociate without feeling horrible about not doing anything for twelve plus hours. I use to be every Generation Z who jokes about their evident mental illness in order to cope but I got sick of just coping. I started to lose more interests, qualities and a personality more than anything else. How can I learn myself again? I needed to figure out what can link me to the outside world again. What I could do for the people around me made me remember my own abilities. Like Alice Jamieson, a lot of us suffer with a tormented mind filled with doubts from no one else but ourselves. This is why I’m not saying that giving should be relied and trusted upon as a means to feel useful to others. My argument is simply on how it can help us recollect ourselves. Behind the mental illness, there’s a “man” who can be kind. That makes me understand myself again.
More on the reliance point, this is harmful because you aren’t selective anymore. Giving only means improvement when you care for the people you give to. To me, anyone beyond that means I have over-exerted myself.
“The weak fear happiness itself. They can harm themselves on cotton wool. Sometimes they are wounded even by happiness.” (Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human)
For valid reasons, humans are afraid to feel, connect and understand. Choosing to be momentarily happy by pleasing others is simply the worst dagger that carves in an individual’s heart. In all the turns, jabs and corrosion: the great truth of giving is not for belonging but rather isolating. As we give, we learn and as we learn, we become more singular than ever. That’s just because the harder the giving meant, the lesser we fear about happiness. A single leaf laying besides the oak tree, hummingbirds next to the veranda and that small pond by the end of the street: nothing evokes anything until we decided to open ourselves to evoking. At the very least, that’s just my take. That’s my ramble for the day. As always, have a great day folks.
