sunk cost fallacy
“Sunk costs are those which have already been incurred and which are unrecoverable. In business, sunk costs are typically not included in consideration when making future decisions, as they are seen as irrelevant to current and future budgetary concerns” - Investopedia
I think being back into the same environment as two years before has forced me to face some of the systemic difficulties rather than individual. Repressive work environment, tense close relationships and a mountain of decisions to uphold all pushes an individual to one single direction: some sort of private space.
This is the most heard phrase that’s been drilled into my brain by most of my friends, “I do it to pass time.” To be totally honest, I find it upsetting to hear that time has now become such an undervalued concept. Maybe it’s because I come from a position where I once wanted to totally end my own time. Maybe that’s why I don’t believe that passing time is considered being alive.
To pass time, without adding anything else, from what I’ve seen includes: sitting at a karaoke lounge in dead silence with no alcohol consumption, no music playing, everyone just on their phones. Mind you this was at 2 AM in the morning. Yet no one wanted to go home. Simply to “pass time”. We praise harsh labor and shame enjoyment yet secretly desire something to break the cycle. We live in a time where people look down on creativity as something pretentious yet we surround our social images with art and music. It’s as if every value we were taught whats technically is contradicting with whats reality.
An unemployed friend of mine told me that when she worked in a corporate office, it felt like she was just a piece of a huge mechanical chip. Without her pushing, the wheel will not move so she has to continuously perform under the wheel even if she didn’t know what her work was going towards: all for so the entire system could “function.” I agree with her that in most corporate occupations, everything is entirely repetitive and meaningless. It’s arguably true that most other parts of life has also become entirely systematic as well. Look at the example with going to an event: what time? what location? what dress code? what event? It’s only after knowing these pre-set systematic information, we are able to function under the rules. I’m sure most have noticed but the creative industry is based upon breaking these set rules. Yet even within this, there is a preset understanding to conform. To break means having a completely different value from normality. Humans aren’t raised to accept difference. This means that the more creative, different or alienated a creation is, the less appeal it will generate. In a perfect world where artists didn’t need notoriety or income, none of this would matter. Yes, I probably am just repeating the obvious. The more I stay, the less I am myself before all the labels and titles I have to introduce myself with.
It’s contradictory for a creative to write creatively under an environment where that’s looked down upon despite being the creative industry itself. I want to break through not break down. After returning to the system, I returned back to wearing neutral tones again. If I was just willing to submit like everyone else, I could just appreciate the fact that I had the privilege to pass time rather than work even more hours. If I could just be grateful for living while suffering because someone could come towards me and tell me that theoretically “you are living so much better than someone else.” I find it ironic that people strive to find success in life through finding peace in knowing that their life may be better than someone else’s. It feels like being underwater with someone repeatedly telling you to hold your breath. It feels like being in constant turbulence on an airplane to the point where your attention can’t be found elsewhere besides being tossed left right up and down. I couldn’t think anymore so my solution to this was to get a tattoo.
This tattoo puts me into third person again. Unassociated and unbothered when facing everything and everyone that seems to be breathing neck down on me. Now looking back, it’s because this becomes something that is completely unrelated to everything else. I find comfort in having no one being able to critique or comment because they are unfamiliar with the subject. Of course, it has other meaning than saving my own temporary sanity. I’m simply starting to care less about the fact that the people I want to stay won’t stay and the things I want to say, no one wants to listen. Essentially sunk cost, but in an extremely internal way. That’s my ramble for the day. Not that I have any active readers but I can’t believe it’s been eight months since I’ve pushed something thoughtful enough out of my drafts. As always, have a good day everyone.
