bland

While this hot earl grey tea is clearing my mind, I wanted to come write about how attachment styles are what they are. There are four in total: secure, anxious-ambivalent, disorganized and avoidant. As far as I’m aware, there is no one with one singular type. Most people have all four styles within their personality due to the colorful experiences and encounters an individual will have while going through developmental phases.

To be fair, I think the only good thing that came out of this knowledge is the understanding I now have for myself as well as the demeanor of others. Psychoanalyzing every speech, action and not proved one thing to me: how easy it is to use this as a weapon for any quick judgement. While it is scientifically backed with reason for assumption, I find the fact that people now abuse the labeling to be troublesome. Before the assumption is solidified, I’m not a victim to this but rather an abuser as well. Being someone who naturally relies on logic to interact with the world, I have developed a detrimental habit of creating scientific reasonings in order to make sense of a person. In my own mind, I thought that was the most efficient way I could become a better friend, daughter and lover. I think the more I analyzed, the further I strayed away from the humanness of others and most importantly: myself.

I have been identified with so many mental labels in my recent therapy sessions: people pleaser, depression, active anxiety, erratic sleeping patterns, freeze and fawn rather than fight or flight. Yet, what do I mean beyond that? How am I suppose to be anything else than these hard and cold psychological terms that apparently define me? I think if you let yourself feel validated through those labels then that’s when we lose the humanness of ourselves. Yes, maybe no one will ever be capable of understanding the depth and extent of how much things may hurt but maybe you don’t need anyone to because those things didn’t happen to them. Believe it or not, we are capable of connecting and loving others beyond using trauma bond. Since when did we become so lonely to the point of using the memories, feelings and acts of trauma that’s harmed us in hopes of connecting with others? Trust me, there’s humanity beyond all that. That’s a tribute to myself to hear and anyone else who needs it.

I encourage everyone to read this book, “People are drawn deeper into tragedy not by their defects but by their virtues.” (Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami)

If we use terms such as attachment style to give an excuse for someone or your own behavior, there is a chance that you just haven’t trusted anyone or yourself in awhile. With that being said, creating change comes with rising the stakes. The higher the stakes are, the more we are likely willing to do. Stakes are usually something that is so out of our own comfort zone and most frequently identified as risky. In my opinion, risks are great for business. Sometimes, the best thing to do is let go. Acknowledge that it was the best thing someone could have done and knew how to do at the time. Acknowledge that it’s time to stop looking for another individual and finally look for ourselves.

For our own sake, learn to genuinely heal for once. My tea is getting cold and I don’t think I’m willing to reheat it. Perhaps, I enjoy cold tea rather than steamed but warm food rather than cold. I think I’m okay if that doesn’t make sense scientifically. That’s my ramble for the day. As always, have a good day everyone!