I’m not really sure where this will end up going but I’ve had a really rough morning dealing with disrespectful calls and ignorant people. Since this is my own journal and space to ramble, I will go into specifics on how rude and disrespectful these calls were. The first was this scam caller that had emailed my parents about this $625 purchase on internet security software. The claim was that they had purchased it previously and it is now being renewed. My mother explained that the money in fact was not transacted and hearing his thick heavy accent talk was already giving me a migraine. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with people who have accents, my issue is targeted to people who choose to not be communicative. He was so delirious in his line of speech that he eventually started saying the words “damnit” and “god damnit” when I told him the website which he directed me to did not exist.

I usually would write up a much more niche and creative title but too bad because I wanted to stay more grounded for this one. I’m currently struggling to create my own self publishing webpage. The struggle in this case embodies my lack of expertise on anything related to web design, coding, software implementation as well as the overall anxiety regarding the lack of foreseeing achievements coming out of this decision. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still doing it. In fact, I think I overcame that brief hiccup a little bit by finally sorting out which theme I wanted for my page. It’s really the little things that make me feel less like a useless piece of shit that’s wasting planet earth’s oxygen.

So I’ve been having repeated mental breakdowns ever since returning from China. After going to a therapist from Healthiest You who just told me to “hang in there” and “have faith”, I decided to sit down on my self built IKEA couch and make a list of problems that have influenced my life for the past month.